Take new smartphone use study with a hefty dose of empathy for parents

A new study documenting the ubiquitous use of smartphones by parents at fast food restaurants with their young children is getting a lot of media attention. From Time magazine there is this headline: " Don't Text While Parenting- It Will Make You Cranky." "Put Down that Cellphone" from NBC. "Parents on Smartphone Ignore Their Kids," from ABC News.

I doubt that anyone is surprised by the findings of this study. People everywhere are on their smartphones all the time. In the arena of parenting, it is important to call attention to the impact of this behavior. There is extensive evidence that face-to-face interaction is critical for healthy emotional development. Mealtime offers an important opportunity for this type of interaction, especially in today's fast-paced culture.

However, I worry about the parent blaming tone of these headlines. Rather than saying, "This is bad, don't do it," perhaps we should be curious about why parents are using smartphones in this way.

One answer lies the increasing recognition of the addictive nature of these devices. Everyone, not just parents in fast food restaurants, is using smartphones all the time. The other may lie in the fact that parents, especially parents of young children, often feel alone, stressed and overwhelmed. Putting these two together and the allure of the screen becomes understandable.

The American Academy of Pediatrics press release states:

The study raises several questions for future research, including ...what are the long-term effects on child development from caregivers who frequently become absorbed with a device while spending time with their children.

I think we already know the answer to this question. I wonder if another important question might read: "How do we support parents in being more fully present with their young children, given the combination of high stress and an easy available, socially acceptable addictive device?"

New study asks; what happens to the dysregulated infant?

When I see children in my behavioral pediatrics practice, whether they are 2, 5 or 15 it is very common to hear from parents that as a baby their child "cried all the time" never slept" had "terrible feeding problems" or some variation of this. Therefore I was not surprised by the findings of a large longitudinal study published this week in Pediatrics: Long-term Outcomes of  Infant Behavioral Dysregulation. The researchers in Australia had information about over 5000 babies starting at 6 months, and found that when mother's reported symptoms of "dysregulation" at this age, they were significantly more likely to report of behavior problems at age 5 and age 14. This association was affected by such things as mother's level of education, marital status and presence of anxiety and/or depression. The authors conclude that:

By facilitating early referral to appropriate professionals, such as public health nurses, family therapists, psychologists, and social workers, clinicians may aim to improve not only behavioral out- comes in childhood and adolescence, but also parents’ perceptions of their children and the needs of the parents themselves.

While I am pleased that this conclusion is reached in a prestigious journal, what is lacking in this study, is understanding of how infant dysregulation and later behavior problems are linked, and so in how to treat these problems. Here are three points that speak to this issue.

1) This model places the "dysregulation" squarely in the baby. However, any new mother (I refer to mothers because that is what the study does- see below for thoughts about fathers) will tell you that the baby's behavior has a huge influence on a mother's behavior and emotional wellbeing.  The mother and baby regulate and dysregulate each other. For example, if a baby has difficulty settling to sleep, a parent will likely be severely sleep deprived. This in turn may affect her ability to respond to her baby's cues. If she is struggling with postpartum depression, the sleep deprivation likely will worsen her symptoms. When a mother is herself struggling in this way, it may lead to further symptoms of "dysregulation" in the baby. But conversely, if a baby is dysregulated and the mother gets help,  in the form of such things as a mother-baby group, yoga and/or therapy, and she is able to be calmer, she will be better able to help her baby manage his symptoms of dysregulation. In turn, as her baby becomes more calm, she will feel more competent and better about herself as a parent.

2) Fathers have a critical role to play. A study published last year in Pediatrics showed a significant link between paternal depressive symptoms and later child behavior problems. Again, looking at the positive side of this, when a father's emotional wellbeing is supported, he can be more emotionally available for both his partner (this study does identify stability of partner relationships as well as marital status as an important factor) and his child.

3) Symptoms of dysregulation are usually present before 6 months of age. For example babies born prematurely are very likely to be behaviorally dysregulated. One particularly vulnerable population is what is referred to as the "late preterm." When babies are born at 35-37 weeks, they are often in the regular nursery and parents have an expectation that they are "normal." However, these babies may be difficult to feed, have difficulty settling to sleep as well as increased sensitivity to sensory input. When there is this kind of mismatch between the parent's expectations and experience, significant feelings of inadequacy may emerge. In turn, these feelings, together with sleep deprivation may lead to symptoms of depression in a parent. This is another example of mutual dysregulation.

I was motivated to develop the Early Childhood Social Emotional Health program at Newton Wellesley hospital exactly because of the findings that this study calls attention to. I wanted to help families before their child was 5, 10 or 16 and being diagnosed with ADHD. Recognizing that the roots of these problems are usually present very early, it made sense to  devote resources to helping families of young children.

The risk of this study however, is that "infant dysregulation" becomes the new "ADHD," placing the problem squarely in the child, and failing to recognize that the problem occurs in relationships.   As it stand now, the study adds to the rapidly growing body of literature offering evidence that devoting resources to early childhood is important. But it is only by focusing on interventions that promote healthy relationships, and for vulnerable parent-child pairs starting these interventions at or close to birth, that this research can have a positive and meaningful impact.

Eliminate shame and blame from parenting: new study sheds light

In my behavioral pediatrics practice, it is not  uncommon for parents to go to great lengths to put up a good front. They feel terrible shame about moments of out-of-control behavior, and also fear that I will blame them for their child's troubles. They focus primarily on "what to do" about their child's difficult behavior. However with time, and the realization that I am interested in understanding, not shaming or blaming, they begin to open up about their own life and the enormous stress they experience in their parenting role. They acknowledge that this stress has often led them to yell at their kids or even remove themselves emotionally.

An important new study published in the current journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry provides evidence that a parent's early life stress, such as abuse, emotional neglect, or emotional abandonment, lives in the parent's body. The reactions mothers (the study is just about mothers, though fathers certainly face similar challenges) may have in the face of a child's aggressive or clingy behavior are biologically based. It is not simply that they are hitting because they were hit. The authors of the study draw on extensive animal research showing biological mechanisms for transmission of parenting behavior.

For example, when a child behaves aggressively in a way that is developmentally normal (though limits must be set) a parent with a history of early life trauma may have a surge of stress hormones that affect the functioning of his or her brain. Thinking is impaired. He or she may have a kind of fight-or-flight reaction, which may lead to aggression in return.  Another alternative is to shut down, or in psychological language to "dissociate." This leads to that sense of being emotionally disconnected. Neither are good for a child.

This study has major implications for understanding as well as treatment.  If a parent is frequently out-of-control, and is yelling at or hitting a child, or emotionally removing him or herself, it must be addressed. Focusing exclusively on the child's behavior will accomplish little in this situation. Repeated exposure to an angry, out-of-control or emotionally removed parent has significant impact on development.

If  parents can recognize that early life trauma has led to this kind of biological reaction, it may eliminate some of the guilt and shame. It may encourage them to acknowledge and address the problem. When children are young, there is ample opportunity to turn things in a better direction.

Second, if the problem is in the parents' body,  treatment needs to involve working with the parents body. Psychotherapy can be important as a way to develop insight into the impact early life experience. But this kind of work can take time. A more immediate intervention involves helping a parent to recognize the stress reaction and then to develop tools to combat it.

I am not talking about medication. While medication may calm a parent down, and may be necessary in  some cases, the hope is to identify the way a child's behavior provokes a parent, and develop strategies for remaining calm  in the moment. The mindfulness movement has much to offer in this regard. Deep breathing, yoga or simply a short walk can help to calm the body down. Music or art will work better for others.

When parents come to my office asking what to do about their child's "problem behavior," I don't think they expect that my answer will be "go for a walk." I am pleased that this current study will support me when in fact I do say something like that.

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